Breathe
by Angela Nguyen
Summary: I can't breathe without you, but I have to. /Sequel to The Way I Loved You./


_Breathe_

~Oneshot~

-Disclaimer: Do I look like I own Shaman King or any of its characters? No I don't think so.

-Rating: K+

-Genre(s): Family, Angst.

-Pairing(s): Ren x Jeanne with the appearance of Men.

-Summary: "I can't breathe without you, but I have to."

-Music: Breathe (Taylor Swift).

A/N: Sequel to "The Way I Loved You". This story was originally titled "Defying Gravity" but I basically rewrote it all over a few days ago. Songfic to Taylor Swift's "Breathe". That "'s" means I don't own the song, just love it.

* * *

_I see your face in my mind as I drive away_

_'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way_

_People are people and sometimes we change our minds_

_but it is killing me to see you go after all this time_

_

* * *

_

She is there, eyes shutting tight, covered in blood.

Just like the first time he saw her.

The deep red of blood opposes strongly to the paleness of her skin and the silver of her hair.

Her hand, still in his, feels cold.

Her eyes, if opened, would have made him drain himself in blood for holding her in his arms.

But they will never open for him again.

It's like the sliver of the moment.

He stands beside her bed, carefully laying her hand at her side.

The world hasn't stopped, though. People are running, yelling, laughing, _living _just outside this room. But all he can see is blood, and all he can hear is her.

_"That was the way you loved me, right?"_

Just a flash.

The moment he opened his eyes, she was gone. She was still there, fingers entwining his, but he knew she was gone.

A smile on her face.

He can usually tell if she was faking a smile or not, but that moment, his sight was blurry and his mind was blank.

He couldn't even remember the last time he cried.

x

_You lied to me._

_Wake up._

_Open your eyes and wipe away the fucking blood._

_You are his mother._

_You must be with him._

_You must be with me._

_Just don't._

_Don'tdon'tdon'tdon'tdon'tdon't_

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you-_

_

* * *

_

_Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt_

_Every little bump in the road, I tried to swerve_

_People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out_

_And nothing we say is gonna save us from the fallout_

_

* * *

_

He doesn't ask Jun to put that picture on his nightstand, but he didn't protest, either.

It is a picture of her. Smiling, bright, honest and beautiful. He finds Men staring at it sometimes. Then he would just look up at him, wordlessly, eyes possessing so many questions for such a young age.

He tears his gaze from his son every time.

* * *

He wakes up earlier, because everything feels cold and strange. He keeps his eyes closed, trying to feel her. He almost reaches that smooth and warm feeling, tickling his skin like it used to, but he always open his eyes and everything breaks.

* * *

He stays with her after everyone has left. The tiniest warm feeling of Jun's tight squeeze remaining on his shoulder is wiped away by the cold drops falling from the sky.

Funny how clichéd it is.

Raindrops fall on his face, his hair, making his coat cling heavily onto his body. He kneels down, touches the new, brownish red of her graveyard, and remembers that he never knelt to her before, even when she decided to marry him. His fingers shake just lightly, and raindrops started to taste salty on his frozen lips.

* * *

He watches Men practicing many times. He feels proud even if he never says that out loud; Men is so determined and strong-willed he is almost stubborn, but he is also subtle and tactful, and he can control Shamash like nobody else's business.

They weren't really close; none of the Taos are, anyways. Men never asks about her; he doesn't know why and doesn't want to know, either. They celebrate his birthday every year by going to her grave. Men never cries; he just sits there, staring at the gravestone, like he's talking to her.

* * *

_Did you ever love her?_

He lets a small smile grace his lips as his son stares blankly at him, waiting for an answer, but that smile feels forced, as it always has been for 5 years.

He lets his long fingers slip into Men's soft hair, and the gaze in his son's eyes turns puzzled.

_That is something I never took the chance to tell her._

_

* * *

_She never wants to see him weak, he knows that. He doesn't deserve her that way. Tears don't solve anything. He knows that, but he couldn't hold them back, sometimes.

Five years. Five years without her. Five years of him feeling like he was underwater, with his eyes burning and his lungs lack of oxygen, every time he opens his eyes and looks at the space beside him.

Her grave is covered with grass and some strange flowers. The unnamed kind, small and red and vulnerable. They are mediocre, especially compared to the roses Jun likes to drop by every time she visits her, but he likes watching them growing and fading into the green of grass. Life goes on. One day, he may find himself here, head against the gravestone, and go to her, but not right now. Because he doesn't deserve her that way.

* * *

_And we know it's never simple, never easy_

_Never a clean break, no one here to save me_

_You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand_

_And I can't breathe without you, but I have to_

_breathe without you, but I have to_

_END_

* * *

A/N: I know it is short. And sorry if it isn't my best. Just that, I had to go through a loss of a very important friend recently and this practically expresses my feelings these days. Thank you for reading and please review! The next chapter of "Fearless" will be posted next month. :D


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